Cow Pat 'Presents' Very Popular

A French entrepreneur is milking an unusual business opportunity - by selling gift packs of cow dung as revenge presents to let people know just what you think of them.

Olivier Legrand is cashing in on the boxes of cow manure, which come complete with a guide on the cow's digestive system. The crap gifts are being snapped up at €8.50 (around £7.70) a time from the Parisian entrepreneur's website, www.fumier.com.

'They can go to your boss, your mother-in-law or maybe an ex and it says more than just words ever could,' said Legrand.

'It may not smell too good but at least it's 100 per cent natural and you can put it on your roses afterwards,' he added.

Guess Who (Iranian Edition)

If I Can't Drink And Drive

Wanna Watch My Pussy Being Shaved?

Nice Boots!

Adobe WanKenobi

Vulva - The Scent Of A Woman

Free Holiday In Exchange For Diarrhoea

Fancy a free holiday in Mexico, all expenses paid? Or perhaps Guatemala appeals? Flights and hotel accommodation up to the value of €1,600 (£1,400) are on offer for 900 volunteers who are prepared to test a remedy for one of the most common holiday afflictions – travellers' diarrhoea.

In a novel twist on the usual drug company trial in which volunteers are paid to attend a clinic and be injected with a new agent to see how they react, the "Trek Study" sponsored by Intercell, a US vaccine manufacturer, is instead despatching willing backpackers to a part of the world where the bacteria that cause runny tummies are rife.

Volunteers will stay in three-star hotels but can choose where they go and what they eat and drink, provided they do not stray more than three hours' travelling time from one of the centres in Mexico or Guatemala where they are required to attend for blood tests and to provide stool samples if they develop an upset stomach.

Thomas Lingelbach, chief executive of Intercell, said the company hoped to obtain a global licence for the product. "We need to show the vaccine is effective in different geographical settings, as the bacteria that cause diarrhoea are different in different regions. If we can show broad coverage against travellers' diarrhoea we estimate we could get peak sales of €500m a year in five to 10 years."

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Harry Potter And The Magic Of Puberty

Anal Fantasy

Maldon Mud Race 2009

Hundreds of hardy competitors tried to cover themselves in glory at one of the world's dirtiest sporting events - the Maldon Mud Race.

More than 200 runners, many in fancy dress, took part in the annual mud race in the estuary town of Maldon, Essex, United Kingdom.

Racers must cross the mouth of the River Blackwater at low tide - a distance of about 500 yards.

The tradition originated when, in the 1970s, drinkers at the Queen's Head pub were challenged to run across the river to drink from a barrel of beer on the other side.

Organisers say the Mud Race raises tens of thousands of pounds for charity every year.

The Half-Wit

A man owned a small farm in England. The Inland Revenue claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.

'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him £200 a week plus free room and board.'

'The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her £150 per week plus free room and board.'

'Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about £10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

3 Rules Of Getting Older

Cosplay Fail

The Zoo Keeper

A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both.

What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.

By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, "What's the food like here?"

The lion replies: "Absolutely brilliant!..... Today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

The Man Tool

Stolen Kitchen Found On Ebay

When Tristan Brooks arrived home from a weekend away to find his brand new £8,000 kitchen stripped bare he was distraught.

Thieves had made off with everything from the £700 fridge freezer to the curtain hooks and the police said they had no leads.

But with just a few clicks of the mouse, the 30-year-old transport planner was able to discover some of his property being sold on internet auction site eBay by a man living 30 miles away.

Posing as an interested buyer, Mr Brooks visited the thief at home – and found the rest of the stolen property.

He called the police and has now been able to restore his kitchen with all the original fittings.

Via

W T F ...

Tuning ...

A Golfers Wedding Day

The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said: “What are your golf clubs doing here?”

He looked her right in the eye and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”

Can't Go To Work Today

Craig Lynch, Life On The Run On Facebook

An escaped prisoner has celebrated his first Christmas on the run by taunting police with photos of himself on Facebook.

On Christmas Day, Craig 'Lazie' Lynch, 28, even posted a photo of himself adorned in tinsel, making a rude gesture and holding a turkey.

Lynch has been on the run from Suffolk's Hollesley Bay Prison since September but rather than hide from police he has regularly updated them on his movements via the social networking service.

Below the Christmas Day photo he wrote 'If any of you was doubtin my freedom. Here's proof. How the f*** could i get my hands on a bird like this in jail. ha ha.' The same day he said: 'Wow it really is xmas ha ha i cant beleive i made it f*** the police.'

'YES YES i f***in made it to Xmas i beat their f***n system and i love it. I love you all my family my friends my lovers and all my supporters and fans i love the whole lot of you x x your the best merry xmas merry xmas merry xmas ho ho ho.'

But Lynch also revealed that at one point he heard sirens in the early hours outside his house and assumed he was about to be arrested.

He wrote an update, saying: 'Oh No sirens!! Its happening.' However, it emerged the noise came from an ambulance helping an elderly woman across the street from his hideout.



In an update on Sunday he said: 'It is freezin out there. I wonder if i can take the right p*** and stay out til the summertime ha ha.'

Lynch was nearing the end of a seven year sentence for aggravated burglary when he escaped from the open prison on September 23. Last week it was revealed that he had bragged about relaxing on a sunbed, eating 12lb steaks and making plans to attend a New Year's Eve party in Lowestoft, Suffolk.

He boasted about staying one step ahead of police who were monitoring his Facebook page for any clues to his whereabouts.

Lynch revealed that he was planning to go to the Bluewater shopping centre in Kent to take his 'little princess' to meet Santa.

Later he updates his site to say that he was walking through the centre with a 4ft tall Winnie The Pooh.

His life on the run has attracted a 1,247 following on Facebook.



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A Low Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the motorway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he knows it,the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.

Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Some People Are Like Slinkies

Heart Attack On The 9th

A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! “Help me dear,” she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 999 on his mobile phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. “I’m dying here and you’re putting?”

“Don’t worry dear,” says the husband calmly, “they found a doctor on the second hole and he’s coming to help you.”

“Well, how long will it take for him to get here,” she asks feebly?

“No time at all,” says her husband, “Everybody’s already agreed to let him play through.”

For Sure My Game Is Gonna Improve This Year

Ricky Gervais Serenades Elmo

What Is A Sonofabitch, Exactly ?

Carol Of The Beers

Implants Last Forever

Love Thy Neigh-Purr

Why Paint Your House Green?

Sluts ...

Wanna Crush Your Balls?

OK Who Had Too Much Xmas Dinner?

Parking Lot Rage

With the sales now on this just seemed very appriopate

Now That's A Surprise

Can You See John Lennon

Yep You Look So Cool (Not)

Flexibility...

Being Helpful

Oh Damm

What A Bargain

Christmas Day Was Brilliant

Christmas Greetings From Osama

Jingle Bombs

Dead Penguins

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

Breast Stroke

There were three women competing in the recent Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

It was a fierce race with the brunette and the redhead exchanging the lead across the long stretch of water. As they stroked closer and closer to the shores of France, the blonde fell further behind.

Finally, the brunette came in first, with the redhead a close second. Everyone cheered and the two women congratulated each other on such a fine race. But the blonde swimmer was still nowhere to be seen.

Much, much later, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she agreed to speak to the eager press.

"Can you please tell us what caused you to finish so far behind the other racers in today's race?" the first reporter asked.

The blonde shook her head, then remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms!"

Frank & Tiger

Christmas Fun

A Man's Christmas Gift

Weeweechu

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

I'm On A Sleigh (Christmas Parody)

Those crazy guys in the Mikey Needleman Band have figured out the single most viral Christmas parody idea EVER. Santa + Autotune + The Lonely Island’s idea =



See the original 'I'm on a Boat' here

Christmas Thru The Years

Farting Santa

Wives Christmas Wish List